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| The Goblins |
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The Chief
The chief of the goblins. Why? You could say he was destined for the role after Young-and-Beautiful named him "Chief". More ready than Young-and-Beautiful to listen to new ideas on how to fight off adventurers, but draws the line at covering himself in his own feces. Clever enough to stave off Korgath by dropping a branch on his head, but also clever enough to lose his eye in an altercation with a pointy... no, sorry, a VERY pointy stick.
Big-ears
Big-Ears avenged the death of his best friend One-Eye by killing Drowbabe the sorceress with his axe. Also did damage to seth Bainwraith by flattening him with spiky-skulls-on-ropes. Outsmarted Drasst Don'tsue with the goblins' birdfeeder. One of the clan's best fighters.
Complains-of-Names
Son of Thaco, the best warrior in the clan (by names' estimation), who trained him since he was a child. Has a love-hate relationship with his father - he is obviously proud of him, but gets frustrated whenever he goes to visit him in the Old Goblins' hut. Complains about stupid names, which is the reason Young-and-Beautiful (another misnomer!) named him Complains. Has sworn to watch Minmax die.
Dies-Horribly
Dies-Horribly lives his life in fear. He has thought of all the possible ways he might die, and deson't like any of them. Tries to avoid Fumbles, because he tends to fumble things, which is the last thing you want when you've been predicted a horrible, horrible death. Killed Drasst Don'tsue with the help of Klik, but lost an arm in the process. Was supposed to be fighting Minmax the Unstoppable Warrior, but preferred to hide in the bushes and try to avoid his pre-ordained fate.
Fumbles/Senior Vorpal Kickass'o
Fumbles has almost killed Dies-Horribly many times - his spear, for example, just seems to "get away from him" while practicing. His latest trick to help out the clan might just work - he puts on a fake 'tach made from boar hair, and he becomes his player character alter-ego, SENOR VORPAL KICKASS'O!! With the most portentous birth ever, Senor Vorpal Kickass'o is good at everything, and has therefore picked 1/11th of every class to make a perfectly legit 1st level character. Don't make him cast 1/11th of a sleep spell on yo' ass!
Thaco
One of the elders of the clan, Thaco has been around since 2nd Ed AD&D. Reputedly the best warrior in the clan, at least by his son, Complains-of-Names' estimation. Left Seth Bainwraith bleeding to death with a copper coin bet that he wouldn't be able to stabilise in 7 rounds. Unfortunately is not immune to sleep spells, but was saved by Big-Ears, rushing in to finish off Drowbabe.
Taps
This chap has yet to be given a name in the comic, We'll see if a full name is given soon. Another old-timer like Thaco, but less useful in a fight, considering that if you snap his stick he thinks he's at the edge of a cliff.
Asks-Nonsense
Asks is the third of the three elder goblins. Warning: Avoid this goblin. You never know what he'll ask next. Comes out with such gems of knowledge as "If I were to cut off my own leg and then I ate it, would I still weigh the same?" Not useless in a fight, he would have finished Seth Bainwraith were it not for the sleep spell Drowbabe cast.
Can't-think-of-a-name-cause-he-looks-like-a-regular-guy
Looks like just your average, everyday goblin, hence the name. Was helping the fight effort by passing fresh spears to Chief until he was killed by tree impalation, after Minmax came up with the first decent plan he's had.
One-Eye
Best friend of Big-Ears, One-Eye paid the price for hitting Seth Bainwraith with a deluge of spiky-skulls-on-ropes. Killed by a magic missile fired by Drowbabe, which burnt him up on the inside. Named for his singular ball of eye.
Young-and-Beautiful
Wisewoman/Fortune Teller of the goblin warband, Young-and-Beautiful was responsible for the naming of all the goblins at birth. A competent spellcaster, she tended to stay out of fights, leaving the other goblins to fight and die, then return to the base camp a hero. This didn't go to plan this time however, as her face got melted by Forgath, calling upon Herbert to deliver an Inflict Light Wounds through his palm. Twice voted goblin most likely to say "I'm melllltttinggggg!!"
| The Adventurers |
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Forgath
Forgath is a cleric of Herbert, the mighty DM who "Livith in his parent's basement", and "Kickith ass at World of warcraft, but can't getith a date to save his life". Does not have a keen sense of smell. Saved Minmax from death by tentacle monster, and killed Young-and-Beautiful the Fortune Teller by judicious use of Inflict Light Wounds to the face, but not before she planted some seeds of doubt in his mind. Are Minmax and he really the good guys?
Minmax
Minmax is a first level character with dodge AND combat reflexes, a speed of 60, and 22 strength, according to his stuff-about-people-we-don't-know papers! Traded in his ability to read for another +1 to hit, giving him a total bonus of "You don't wanna know". Was taught to use a bastard sword before his third birthday, and he knows 38 ways to kill a guy using only his thumb, but has to rely on Forgath for more mundane things such as starting a campfire and dressing himself. However, his wisdom score is quite low, and so he is constantly getting himself into scrapes.
Seth Bainwraith
Seth Bainwraith, the drow renegade who abandoned the evil of his birth and embraced the goodness of the surface, becoming a truly unique, tragic hero like his half-cousin Drizzt. Also, being shunned by the surface world added just the right amount of sadness and ironic tragedy to who he was. Probably listened to Distant & Depressed, the popular bard-trio who are using an innovative new instrument called the guitar to create their melodic, emotional songs. Killed by Thaco after going in the Old Goblins' hut looking for easy XP.
Drowbabe
Drowbabe, though not her real name, is one of the most missed adventurers. I'll give you three guesses why, and the first two don't count. Spends her time jiggling in all the right places, but came a cropper after killing One-Eye with a magic missile. Also, gets confused by rules regarding mage armour and critical hits.
Drasst Don'tsue
Drasst was Drizzt's half-brother, and was the third renegade Drow in the adventuring party. He fought with two stumpy little scimitars, which matched his stumpy little frame. Looking more like a halfling than a Drow, he nevertheless managed to run Big-Ears through and cut off Dies' arm, but was disembowelled by Klik, morphed into a 10 foot long bastard sword, after burning him/it with Dies' blood.
Kore
Kore is a Dwarven Paladin from beyond the Godskull mountains. He has single-handedly killed armies of orcs and ogres alike, and has now added Crunk, Sticks, Hawl, Boulder and another few orcs to his tally. Fights from behind a shield-on-wheels with twin multi-crossbows, and is also handy with a pair of axes. Killed Targoth Bladebeard the Dwarven orphan without mercy, as even potential evil must be eradicated. Currently in possession of a map to the goblin's warcamp.
| The NPCs (and others) |
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Paladin
The first kill we see for the goblins. Killed by an attack of opportunity while he was reading his Paladin's Handbook.
Sticks
Sticks was keeper of the keys for Boulder's hideout. He doesn't know how to play poker, but he does have a head that can fit through a fairly small gap in... say... a 2 inch thick dwarven steel door. Who would've thought it?
Crunk
Crunk died attacking Kore with his double-headed trident. His attempt to flank him was a noble one... but Kore cut him down to size with the help of his shield-on-wheels.
Boulder
Boulder, the biggest, meanest Ogre around. Plays a mean hand of poker while smoking his pipe. Put a nice hole in Kore with his Ogre-made crossbow, but even Boulder dies if his head falls off. It took 2 comics to watch this guy die - amazing!
Hawl
One of the orcs slaughtered by Kore, Hawl was a trader between humans and the goblins. Kept them well stocked with various good, denounced as rubbish by Complains. However, the "bowling ball in a cage" turned out to be Klik, which saved Dies' life! Kept Targoth Bladebeard safe after he orphaned him in a battle with Dwarves, but couldn't save him from the wrath of Kore...
Targoth Bladebeard
Targoth was a Dwarven orphan being raised by Hawl as his own after he killed Targoth's parents. Faced up to Kore with his little wooden dagger, but was mercilessly cut down for consorting with evil creatures such as Hawl, despite Hawl's pleas to leave him alone.
Farmer's Daughter
The farmer's daughter issued the adventurers with a quest - to kill the blind, one-legged orc who was hopping in from far-off lands to pee in her bucket of garbage wheat. Then slept with Minmax, and gave him the bastard sword the orc used to commit suicide with to replace the one he lost running away from Not-Walter and his fiendish friends.
Not-Walter
Not-Walter is Herbert's Pit Fiend messenger boy. Loves to insult Minmax the snivelling girl. His real name has yet to be figured out by the brave adventurers. Has to serve anyone who speaks his true name for eternity... but with Minmax's smarts, eternity might be how long it takes to guess it. Did you know Not-Walter has his own comic? Oh yes.. yes he does.
KLIK
Klik is some magical ball. The goblins purchused it from Hawl early on. It was hidden in a cage that Drasst knocked over by accident. It then turned into a sword and helped Dies-Horribly take down the fiendish drow.